Get at it.

Soooo, it’s been a minute, hasn’t it?  Or maybe something like 8 months.  I’m going to be honest here, as I promised I would be, I let fear and “life” get in the way. 

I started this initiative with the intention to lead by example and to try to really help others set aside time in their busy days to work on rest, stillness, centering, mindfulness, gratitude, and all that jazz.  To be able to have a routine and normalcy with something(s) that truly give you joy and help to fuel your spirit and soul.  I worked really hard at it for about a month, and then the holidays came...and I got off track.  I started again in January, and as I said, life started happening (or, more specifically, a grueling marathon training cycle happened and I napped instead of wrote).  

But in the midst of all this time that has passed, I started to feel fear and doubt creep in.   Why is it that we can hear the negativity so much louder than the praise? Or is that just me?  When I started this, the messages and responses I got were overwhelmingly positive and encouraging.  

But not all of them were like that.

And those were the ones that I let fill my headspace for the last 8 months.   

Who am I? What qualifications or experience do I have to try to make this kind of change for people? I’m just a middle-aged wife and mom, working her way through crazy days and jobs, trying to be a role model and do good.  But what gives me the “right” to try to help people change? I’m not a psychologist or counselor. I’m not a clinical therapist. I haven’t done research on mindset or gratitude or any of that.  

But then why can’t I get rid of this feeling, this voice, that keeps telling me to come back to this? Why do I feel like I’m called to do this?  

I think the list of “non-qualifications” that I just listed above is exactly why I AM qualified to do this and share this message.  Because MOST people out there that NEED this movement and message are JUST LIKE ME.  “Just” a mom or dad. “Just” a spouse. “Just” a boss/employee/entrepreneur. “Just” a woman or man. “Just” a person trying to figure out how to navigate this increasingly fast-paced world and yet find time to remember who I am.   

A week ago I went to an annual event called Celebration. At this event, I got to hear Nick Vujicic speak. Wow.  If you don’t know who he is or haven’t heard him speak, please look him up. You’ll be blessed. He spoke to us for quite a while and I was moved to tears several times.  His underlying theme: “Figure it out.”  Whatever you’re struggling with, figure it out.  Whatever challenges you’re facing, figure it out.  Whatever battles you’re waging, figure it out.  But it was this specific sentence that hit right to my core. 

“If you don't get a miracle, BE ONE. “ 

Exactly.  Maybe miracle is a big word for this project, but maybe there are other tired, middle-aged moms (and dads) out there that feel that each day comes and goes and they gave everything they had to everyone else.  They are wiped. They are tired. They feel like they are losing their fire. They don’t know who they are anymore except ‘someone’s mom’ or ‘someone’s spouse’. Maybe this message could help. Because while I feel like I’ve done a fairly good job for the majority of the past 8 months at keeping some “me” time in my days and weeks, this project was never about me. It was about sharing this with others so that WE ALL can be more centered, more rested, more balanced. This will create happier people, kinder people, healthier people.   

Move ahead one more day at the same event and we get to hear Brendon Burchard speak. Another wow.  Brendon is a very motivating speaker (well, he should be, lol!) and I find his perspective to be relatable.  Again, I feel the tug to get back to blogging and sharing this message - and then the echoes of the negative and somewhat condescending comments ring in my ears.  I think on the same loop, “I’m not qualified to do this. Let it go.”  And yet, I can’t. 

So today, Sunday, I open up Facebook and a post from Brendon Burchard is the first thing I see.  I’ll post the screenshot below, but basically, he is addressing this exact fear. He says, “Stop worrying about your past or credentials and start creating and contributing now. You can find reasons to be inadequate or you can GET AT IT.” 

So here we go. I’m going to get at it. I’m going to create and contribute.  I’m going to re-ignite this project and message, and maybe, just maybe, it will be a message that someone else needs to hear.  If it’s not you, then I’m so happy that you are able to find time in your days to be balanced.  Pass this on to someone that might need it.  

I’m committing to being back on the blog with ideas and tips to hopefully help. I’m also working on getting the podcast up and running. (Another thing I was trying to make ‘perfect’ and instead, I’m going to make ‘happen’.)  Will it be the best thing since at-home grocery delivery?  No.  But it will be real, and authentic, and honest, and hopefully, a contribution to people’s lives.  I fill my ears every day with motivational authors and speakers (Brene Brown, Rachel Hollis, Tony Robbins, Rich Roll) and I feel that I need to heed their advice and not ignore this little voice inside that won’t stop telling me to get back to this.  To help others find their time in their days to really be, to really focus, and to really refuel.

So here we go, friends, let’s put ourselves back in our 1,440 minutes each day. It’s a new day and a new week. Five, ten, fifteen minutes is TOTALLY doable, even for the busiest people on the busiest days.   Let’s commit to that, and I commit to doing it, too.  

~ Melissa  

The post from Brendon Burchard that motivated me to get back on here and start again. 

Happy 2018!

Hi Friends!

I hope this finds 2018 off to a great start for you!  I've been around, busy, and yet still making time to focus on me and my mental mindset as 2017 ended and 2018 began.  I was really hoping to make it back to the blog before now, but as I mentioned in my last post, I wasn't walking my talk.  So over the holidays, when things were very busy and kids were home, instead of spending time writing, I spent my time unplugged.  I tried to disconnect from email and the pulling of the online world and really focus on the people I loved.  I spent time reflecting on the year and making plans (goals?) for the next.  I also recommitted myself to my Fourteen40 practice, and I am back on the blog to hopefully, make sure you do the same.

At the end of every year I like to do an annual review.  I look back at the goals I set, which ones I achieved and which I didn't, which times of the year were the best and which were the toughest, what lessons did I learn, and how can I make the next year even better?  I think this is a very important practice because it allows clearer perspective going into the new year.  I found that one area that I showed growth, and mainly towards the last half of the year, was the practice of slowing down and really taking time to refuel my soul, and coincidentally (or maybe not), the last half of the year was spent starting this initiative.   I also think I grew in my ability to notice what areas of my life (or people) were draining to my spirit and energy. That's a touchy subject, but one I think we all need to acknowledge.  You may think that spending time with family and friends is filling your spirit, but if these people are bringing negative energy to your space and time, then is it really refueling you?  

I just came back from a weekend with some of my closest friends and coworkers, and we spent time in workshops learning about this exact thing.  One of the speakers noted that people (or things or activities) that some people assume/think are filling, may actually be a "kink" to your spirit's energy.  I loved this.  This is why when I started the Fourteen40 project, I noted that what is refueling and refilling to some might not be for others.  Or, what is refueling or refilling to you one day, may not be the next.  My goal over the next week is to spend quiet time reflecting on what (or who) I think might be a "kink" for me, and then try to devise a plan to avoid getting kinked this year.  Or, avoid it as much as possible, because, let's be honest, life isn't that cut and dry.

This time of year can make you feel like you're hungover. (Is it just me?? I hope not!) The holiday season is wonderful and joyous, but also full of activities and not-so-structured days.  Then we get right back into the last half of the school year, back to work, and there's not any time to really get centered before it's full steam ahead.  I know most parents I spoke with last week were feeling the same way I was!  So, friends, I hope as we head into the third week of 2018, that things are settling down for you and you are feeling more centered.  If you didn't do an annual review for 2017, I encourage you to do so.  If you think identifying the areas of your life that are kinking your energy flow will help you have a more fulfilled 2018, I encourage you to spend time on that, too.  It doesn't have to be structured, but it has to be done.  I plan on doing some of this with coffee in my hammock (the weather is gorgeous here in FL) or in my bathtub with some wonderful epsom salts and scents.  Refill and refuel how you need it!

I'm recommitted to my Fourteen40 project for 2018 and I hope you are, too.  I look forward to sharing my progress with you, here, and hope to hear from you as well!  Let's support and encourage each other as the year continues and we know we have a community here to make sure we stay on track and keep our sprits as full as our calendars.   I have included a photo from our weekend's workshop with my friends.  We learned A LOT but we had a ton of fun, too.  Life is short, spend time being a kid with your friends when you get the chance!

Joyfully yours,

Melissa

Not walking the talk...

Hi friends.  Well, it's been a super busy last few weeks and I have had a very difficult time putting myself in my fourteen40.  We were away for a weekend, then work and life got busy, had family in town the next weekend...you get the point.  And what was the first thing I let fall off my daily focus?  My time.  My sanity.  My focus.  

Everything has been pointed and focused outward the last 2 weeks and I can feel it.  My temper has been shorter and my sleep has been restless.  (Anyone else notice how your sleep suffers when you are overworked and overtired?)  Last night, after juggling work and the kids being out of school for Thanksgiving break, I felt the stress on my shoulders and the shortness of breath return.  It's an all too familiar feeling, and one that I've been REALLY trying to work against.  I was in the car, driving the kids home from a basketball game (which we had to leave early due to their behavior but that's another story), and I felt it.  I knew right then that I needed to stop talking myself out of putting focus on my fourteen40 and stop waiting for life to slow down.

Life won't slow down.  Life won't ever get to a point that is a "good time" to put myself first.  I have to make that happen.

So, here I am, writing a short post to recommit and hopefully, with the busyness of the holidays upon us, encourage some of you to recommit as well.  It's not easy, but I'm committed to making my family (and me) happier and healthier because I have an energetic and happy temperament thanks to putting focus into myself each day.  

Fourteen hundred and forty minutes are in each day.  I need to make sure I find at least 5 to fill my soul and recenter.  More later, my friends, and I hope you all are able to find the time in your day, too. 

Blessings!

Filling my vessel by filling my bath

Well, Hello, November! It seems that just like that, here we are, with only 2 months left in the year. Where did the year go? Seriously, time just goes faster and faster. If your life is anything like mine, the next two months will go by in a blur...a joyful and celebratory blur, but a blur nonetheless. Before I know it, we will be writing 2018 and planning for spring break, then summer camps, and it just goes so, so fast.

This last week we had Halloween. As a child growing up, I didn't participate in the Halloween festivities, so I find myself loving seeing Halloween through the eyes of my children. While it is a busy night for adults, I hope you also found some warmth to seeing the little ones get dressed up and have some fun. Maybe you went out with your kids, or maybe you stayed home and greeted the trick or treaters, but I hope it was a fun night!

While Halloween was fun, it wasn't my focus for my fourteen40 this week. Afterall, that's just one day, and the whole point of this project is to encourage people (but especially women and mothers) to take time on a regular basis to "fill their cup." For me, I had to be up and out for work very early the next morning; which meant that after the Halloween fun I had quite a bit of work to do at home to prep for the next day. It was a fun night, but just a single night and it was quickly over. 

As I've mentioned in my bio, I'm a runner. My particular distance of choice is the marathon. Yes, that's right, I willfully choose to run 26.2 miles a few times each year. There was a time that I would not have believed you if you had told me I'd be running marathons for fun (and LOVING it), but I digress... I love marathons. I love to run them and I love to train for them. With that, however, comes quite a bit of time spent in recovery. I mean, I'm not 22 anymore! So to make sure I can continue to get stronger and faster, I have had to learn how to fit in not only the training, but the recovery activities. This, while it seems would be so simple, is a very challenging task for me. 

Recovery activities are typically slow and purposeful. They include stretching, yoga, breathing techniques, foam rolling, epsom salt baths, and massage. Wait, if I run then I NEED to get massaged and take baths? Yep, you do. They aren't always the relaxing kind of massages or baths (ugh, ice baths), but they are enjoyable. My problem is that I don't take enough time for recovery, in general. I love love love epsom salt baths, but never seem to be able to fit one in at the end of the day; and God knows I could never take one in the morning! So this week, the week before our Ragnar Relay race (I'll be sure to post about that when it's done because I'm sure it'll be full of stories!) I knew I needed to really put some focus on making sure my legs are ready. I decided my fourteen40 time would be devoted to making sure I got in some epsom salt baths. 

I loved this. I really loved it and will do it again. I was already feeling sore from a Barre3 class early in the week, so on Monday when I got home from the gym in the morning, and after the kids were off to school, I took 10 minutes and soaked. It was bliss! Just 10 minutes of soaking in the tub and soaking in the quiet and stillness reset my energy for the day.  So I did it again on Tuesday! I think I could get used to this. Tuesday I even indulged a bit and used some special scented mineral salts that I usually reserve for longer recovery baths...so I sat in the tub a little longer than Monday. I didn't do this every day of the week, but I did again on Friday, and again on Saturday night. It was so refreshing to have some quiet time (no phone except for the 2 times I snapped pics for this post), and I could actually feel my stress leaving my body. 

I was more productive on those days. I was happier. On the days that I used my scented mineral soaks, every time I got a breath of the scent, I remembered the relaxing few minutes I had to myself. Why don't I do this more often, again? Oh yeah. I don't have time.

Wrong.

I do have time. I have to MAKE time for it in my day. It wasn't long, 10-20 minutes max. But did it make me late or unproductive on the workdays that I took time for the baths? Nope. It did the opposite. I felt better physically and mentally. I was ready. It's a lie that I seem to keep falling for when I stop doing things that I know will serve my mental and physical health because "I don't have time." Also because, the only people that take baths on weekday mornings live in soap operas. Well, maybe not! My fourteen40 focus has once again taught me that if I put myself in the place of putting myself first, I am more positive and energetic, and I'm always able to get both "my" time and time for everything else that the day calls for.  

If I can do it, you can too. What will you do this week to put yourself in your fourteen40? I encourage you to think about it if you've not already. It is so important to fit your wellbeing into your day! "Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel." ~Eleanor Brownn

Alone time

"...It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive...I want to know if you can be alone, with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."  ~ The Invitation by Oriah

I saw this poem for the first time last weekend.  It REALLY spoke to me.  I'm sharing two parts of it here, because perhaps it will also speak to you, but because it deals so closely with my fourteen40 focus this week. 

I love quotes and motivational sayings.  Seriously love them.  Last weekend, as I mentioned in the previous blog post, my daughter and I went to Chicago for a weekend conference.  We had some time in the city before the conference started, and we did go to the American Girl Doll store.  We had a great time, myself included, and it was definitely a wonderful experience to see her so completely happy.  I also kept my promise and didn't do any work while we were away.  Win!

The conference we attended is one affiliated by my nutrition system, of which I am a very proud Director and member of their elite athlete team.  The conference however, is geared towards personal growth and development, not nutrition (which is why I wanted my daughter to come along).  It was full of motivational quotes and sayings, and I'm sure they will make their way on the blog at some point.  One of the major themes of the weekend was self-confidence and self-love.  Do you like who you are?  Do you KNOW who you are?  And by "you" I mean, just you. Not you as a spouse, not you as a parent, not you as a co-worker or employee, not you as something you identify with (e.g., runner, dancer, cross-fitter), but YOU.  

As a young adult I NEVER spent idle time alone.  I'm not exaggerating, I was always with someone or doing something to occupy my mind (working, studying, etc.). I was terrified of being alone with nothing to do.  Why?  I think I've only just recently been able to find the answer to this. I didn't have a fully developed, and certainly not confident, sense of self.  I was never single, I was never bored, and I found myself morphing into a person that my boyfriend (later husband...but that's a whole different story...) wanted me to be.  I didn't really find out who Melissa was until I was 22 and I left the emotionally and verbally abusive marriage, and started out on a personal journey that would take years.  When I met my current husband (who is an absolute saint and I'm sure I'll do a post about him sometime soon because I think he could benefit from the fourteen40 as well), I VIVIDLY remember being shocked that he went to restaurants alone, went to movies alone, did tons of things...alone!   WHO IS THIS MAN?!?!  I would eat lunch at work and actually work during lunch. He would go out to a restaurant and dine in...alone.  I would stay in and study if I didn't have plans for the evening.  He didn't think twice about going to a movie...alone.  Why didn't I do these things alone?  I was afraid of what people would think.  I was afraid that other people would look at me, alone, and either feel pity or think something was wrong with me that I wasn't with another person.  For years I never did anything alone. 

About two years ago my life was a little nuts and that kicked off what I think of as my current 'chapter'.  I started to realize the importance of alone time.  I started to notice that I was a much better person when I had some "off" time that allowed me to be with me.  And no one else.  It was not easy.  To be honest it still isn't, but it's getting easier.   I have worked at this for a long time, and it's still a work in progress.  When my alone time is quiet, I have to work to really focus on nothing because my mind will wander to all the to-do items, wander to work, wander to people that I should get in touch with...and I'm tempted to stop my quiet time and get these things done.  Because it's easier to do that, than to sit in silence with myself.  

But what's REALLY challenging?  Having this quiet alone time in public.  Yep, just me, myself, and I in public.  Alone.  Oh gosh, there's that vulnerability showing.  In this current chapter, I've also learned that growth, real growth, happens when we are most vulnerable and uncomfortable.  (This is another area we worked on last weekend, and I'm again, so happy Maya was able to learn about this NOW, as a 10-year-old, and not as a 39-year-old.)  So this week, my fourteen40 practice was to have my time in public.  

Friday I had some personal appointments in between work appointments (the doctor and the dentist).  So it was a busy morning and by the time I got to the dentist's office, I found that I was feeling ready for a break.  I arrived to the dentist's office about 30 minutes early, just due to logistics and it was too far to drive home or to the office and make it back, so I just got there early.  It was a gorgeous day outside; the sun was shining and the temps were in the low 70s...just perfect weather!  I pulled into the parking lot and thought how great it would be to have lunch outside; afterall, one of my favorite chicken places was literally next door to the dentist so there was no time crunch.  Immediately after I had that thought, the old voice popped up and said "get it to go and eat and work in your car before the dentist".  Why? Why not enjoy lunch outside on this beautiful day?  Because you're alone.  

Well, another thing we learned last weekend is that your brain is made for survival.  When it senses "danger" its job is to protect you.  It immediately puts thoughts into your mind to move you from the uncomfortable to the comfortable (the safe zone).  I also learned we need to consciously recognize this and tell ourselves "No. This is just new, uncomfortable territory, but I'm safe. I can do this."  I know this sounds dramatic when you're talking about eating lunch alone on the patio of a restaurant, but to me it was very, very uncomfortable. 

So I told myself to be quiet and go order some chicken. Funny, I know.  But it was a huge step!  I went inside, ordered a meal and even told the girl "just me, for here" when asked.  Oh my, so very uncomfortable.  Then I sat outside at a table in the sun, alone.  I didn't work or make myself look super busy.  I sat there in the sun, doing nothing.  I took a break.  Alone.  I sat in that uncomfortable state long enough until it actually felt better.  I looked around at the people in groups at the tables around me (Yes, I was the only one dining alone), and they weren't staring or gawking at me: "Look at that weirdo with no one to eat lunch with... What's wrong with her that she is eating by herself???" Nope, they weren't saying any of that.  It. Was. Liberating.  I had only been there a short while, and I already felt rejuvenated and recharged from my busy morning.  It was fantastic.  So next, I decided to enjoy a few more minutes of a podcast I had been listening to ("Dirty John" is the podcast and it's gripping) and eat my lunch.  I had plenty of time to relax, recharge, enjoy some entertainment, and still make it to my dentist appointment.  Filling my cup (and my belly) mid-workday.

So, that brings me back to the poem I shared at the start.  "I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."  Can you be alone, truly alone with yourself, and like your own company? Can you be quiet and still and like your own company?  Do you know your own company?  For me, the answers to those for a very long time was "No" or "I don't think so" or "I don't want to know".  Filling our spirits and souls means taking time to get to know your spirit and your soul as YOU.  As an individual.  It means getting out of the comfortable zone we all live in 99% (maybe even 100%) of our day.  It means taking time to push pause on work and busy activities to really recenter and recharge.  For me, on that busy Friday, it meant having some of my favorite chicken fingers, in the sun, alone.  I even took a picture to document.  

Just because you do something alone doesn't mean you're alone or lonely.  I have come to believe that we all need this time, even if just a few minutes a day.  What will you do in your fourteen40 this week to recharge and recenter?  What will you do to help fill your soul, even if it's something that might be unfamiliar or uncomfortable territory?  Comment below or email me, I'd love to share some stories to help others that might be feeling stuck in this area.  Let's be vulnerable and courageous to commit to time to nourish ourselves.  I want you to know you can be alone with yourself and truly like the company you keep.  I want you to have a way to refill your spirit in the midst of a busy day. (Even if that includes chicken fingers and podcasts.)

Alone but not lonely,

Melissa

Why this project and why now?

Wow, guys, I'm so humbled!  After publishing the site and first blog post, I received so many encouraging comments and messages I was just overcome with gratitude!  Thank you for your support and encouragement!  This also tells me that we have a topic that needs to be explored and discussed.  I'm glad others are feeling the same way. 

I've thought all week about what the second blog post should be.  Truly, I didn't need to think too much because life was trying to tell me all week long.  

SLOW DOWN.  

The last 3 weeks have been wonderfully chaotic.  There's been some travel and life-long memories made (I ran the Chicago marathon and traveled with some of my best girlfriends), so while things have been busy, they've been busy in a good way.  Trying to fit a 5-day work week into 4 days, for 2 weeks in a row, is definitely a challenge.  Trying to do that for 4 weeks in a row isn't something I should do...but I did.   My daughter and I have the opportunity to go back to Chicago and participate in a personal development workshop for the weekend.   It's a blessing that this was financially covered and we have friends that are going (one is even bringing her daughter that is the same age as mine).  It's an opportunity I couldn't say no to.  The timing, however, is less than ideal.  I'm in constant "catch-up mode" from the busy weeks before this one, and my calendar is so booked I have to scroll to read all my appointments.  Which is why I missed THREE this week.  Three appointments that had been booked for weeks, were clearly on my calendar, I went over them in my head when thinking about my daily schedule, and yet I completely spaced out and didn't go to them.  And I mean, I totally spaced...so badly that I didn't even catch myself remembering late.  There was no "Oh shoot! I forgot about this!  Hurry kids, get in the car, we can still make it!"  There was no "Whoops, I dropped the ball on that one but I'll call and see what we can do."  All three times the other party actually called me, and I was so busy working that I didn't answer, and then hours later got the messages.  

Well, crap. 

If you know me in real life, you know this is completely out of character.  I actually pride myself on being able to juggle a trillion things at once and manage multiple schedules with ease.  So much for that.  When I retrieved those voicemails hours later, I sheepishly called the other party and profusely apologized and rescheduled.  I really dislike letting others down, but what this repeated mistake taught me is that I need this fourteen40 more than I think I even realized.  I need to slow down.  I need to refuel and revitalize.  And if I don't, my body and mind are going to force me to.

Tomorrow, as I mentioned, my daughter and I get to head out of town on a mini girls weekend.  Yes, it's to a conference, but it's a very engaging and interactive one, and it should be a wonderful opportunity for both of us.  What exactly will we be learning?  Well, I'll report back on that once the weekend is complete.  But what I do know is that I am taking a step back.  Normally I would take my laptop and work on the flight up and back (like many people do, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, when I was writing my dissertation I LOVED working on planes because there were no distractions!).  

But not this time.  Normally I would still take work calls on Friday and Monday even though I am out of town.  

But not this time.  This time is different.  

I have a changed mindset, and I have a 10-year-old girl that is going to be watching.  What example do I want to set for my daughter?  I want her to see a strong, smart, businesswoman, but more importantly, I want her to see her Mom.  I want her to see her Mom putting her first and taking time to really connect with her.  We have time before the conference starts and she asked to go to the American Girl Doll Store.  (Again, if you know me in real life, you know I'd rather do just about anything else than go there.)   Really? That's where you want to go?  That's where she wants to go.  So I'm going to put her in my fourteen40 and take her there.  We will go see a few other things she asked to see, and during this time, I will not be taking phone calls or answering emails.  I will put us at the front of the line.  I will recharge and fill my cup by being able to see her enjoy her time there.  And I will not stand off in the corner on my phone while she looks around.

So that's why this project and that's why now.  Because time is passing.  My kids are growing.  One day, in the not so distant future, my daughter will be a teenager and she will likely feel like me and not want to go to a doll store.  Shoot, at that point she may not even want to take a weekend trip with her mom.  I do NOT want to look back and think, "Were those phone calls and emails more important than her?" Or,  "Was it more important to get ahead on some projects and work on some reports on the plane instead of snuggling her and taking a little cat nap?"  The answer is clearly NO.  I don't get this time back.  After these wonderfully chaotic weeks and me trying to repeatedly put more activity into less time, life is forcing me to slow down.  I need to pay attention and make sure that I am consciously putting time in my fourteen40 to put myself and my well-being first; and part of that includes putting my kids in my day and pouring attention and support into them with some quality one-on-one time.  Not time that we spend in the car rushing from practice, to practice, to dinner, to game, to wherever the heck we are going next that usually isn't home to rest.  Sometimes, the best gift you can give yourself is quality time with your family that is uninterrupted.  No rushing.  No work interruptions.  No distractions (oh yeah, I'm definitely guilty of that).  Just you and your loved one(s).  Does that fill your cup and revive your soul?  I would argue it would.  I think it should.  

I'm genuinely excited about having more time for my daughter and me in the next few days.  I'm thrilled that more time than normal (ok, way more time) will be spent on soul-nurturing activities and conversations with her.  I hope you do the same.  I'll report back how the weekend went and pass on any helpful tips I learn.  Thanks for being with me on this new journey and I pray we all continue to work on putting ourselves first for at least some of our 1,440 minutes that God gives us each day.  

Forgetfully yours,

Melissa

Here we go...

Hi everyone! Welcome to the fourteen40 blog! My name is Melissa and the fourteen40 project is my newest 'baby' and I'm excited to share it with anyone that is interested (or willing to spend time reading this). 

So, let's start at the beginning: What is the fourteen40 project? Well, it's an initiative that has been bouncing around in my brain for several years, which I'm finally putting into action. I'll be 40 in a few months, and that's partially why the timing is right to do this now.  In addition, if not now, when? I'll just keep putting it off, and then it'll never happen.  So, I'm going to stop "getting ready to get ready" and just jump in feet first.  Here we go... the fourteen40 project is a movement to empower (and continually empower) busy people (Isn't that all of us?!), but especially women, to take time each day to focus on themselves and refilling their proverbial cup.

As a wife and mother that works outside of the home I find that I am putting others' needs in front of my own, on pretty much a daily basis.  Here's a little peek into what my typical day looks like:

• Wake up at some ridiculous hour (usually between 3:40-4:15am)
• Go to the gym or for a run
• Home to help get the kids to school and get ready for work
• Out the door to one or more of my 4 jobs (yes, 4, I know, I know)
• Pick up kids from school
• Shuttle kids all over town to various sports games and practices
• Rush home to hopefully throw something together for dinner
• Help kids with homework and get them ready for bed
• Finish up whatever remaining work I have for the day (usually that is not actually "finish" but "get as much done as I can before I pass out")
• Drag myself to bed and do it again the next day

If you are a working adult or parent, you may relate to this schedule.  It's nuts.  It's like a hamster wheel or groundhog day.  Don't get me wrong, I love my work and my jobs, I love my family and spending time with them, but there's hardly any time in there for ME.  Yes, I do have gym time or running time, but that time is typically not "quiet" or "still" to really focus on my soulful wellbeing (sometimes it can be, but it's not typically).  Over the years, I've had way too many conversations that all have the same storyline.  The days are too busy, too full with distractions and meeting other people's needs, too much work, too much, too much, too much.  I even did a quick poll on my social media and about 2/3 of the combined responses show the same thing. (And, the people that said they did spend time on themselves at least 5 days a week, most of them noted that their gym time was the only self-care time they had, like me.) 

So that's where this project comes in.  We have fourteen hundred and forty minutes each day.  Yet we find it challenging to find even a few of those 1,440 to spend doing something that is a soul-nurturing activity.  What is a soul-nurturing activity?  What that means to me is typically something that is still and quiet, like meditation or reading a book, going to the beach, spending time in quiet prayer.  But it also can be something that is creative, that I am doing for me and me alone.  I was recently listening to a podcast with Brene Brown and she said something to the effect of "ignored or untapped creative energy is not benign."  Say what? Repeat that, Brene.  Yep, ignored creativity is not benign.  That hit home for me.  She elaborated that she means that when we don't spend time on ourselves, on our own creative or soul-filling projects, however big or small they may be, that the built up and unused energy begins to metastasize to other parts of our lives and bring us down.  We don't enjoy activities or people that perhaps we normally do...because we are so caught up in being "busy" or we are too distracted by our never-ending responsibilities that we find it impossible to be present.  I've spoken to so many friends that say they feel that they've lost themselves.  They don't know really who they are - unless they are someone's wife/mother/partner/colleague - they don't know THEMSELVES.  This is heartbreaking to me!  

So, my goal with the fourteen40 project is to begin a self-love and self-giving movement.  Love yourself enough to give yourself time.  Time to do nothing!  Time to do something creative!  Time to sit and read a book in silence without worrying about the next email or text that will come in.  Time to sit and meditate with your thoughts or pray or just be still and feel what it's like to be YOU.  Not someone's mom (or dad).  Not someone's wife (or husband).  Not someone's employee or maybe someone's boss.  Just be you.  

You may need to start small.  I know I need to.  My days are packed! (I'm working on that...)  I may only be able to find 10-15 minutes each day; but you know what, that's better than 0 minutes (and that's what I make time for right now).  As the seasons of your life change, you may be able to find more time, or you may see less time.  The point is that you make it a PRIORITY to put yourself somewhere in your 1,440 minutes each day.  Find time to put yourself before anyone or anything else!  I am betting that when we do, we will find a deeper sense of self, of purpose,  and of connection with others.  I'm also betting we will find we feel less stressed, are more productive during our working times, and are overall happier, better people. 

I appreciate in advance that you are with me from the beginning of this journey.  I'm not a professional blogger or podcaster.  I'm not a professional website builder (in fact, I declined help from my techie husband because I want this to be completely organic and authentic from me alone. I'm not a professional marketer or social media guru.  This project is raw and real and from my heart.  As we travel this journey I'm excited to see the changes we all experience and how this platform grows with the process.  (Or hopefully grows; I mean, who knows, right?!)  If this message touched you, please mark the site so you can follow along for updates.  I'll be updating this blog weekly, and hope to have a podcast up and running in the near future (as well as some cool fourteen40 project gear to help spread the word and cause).  

Cheers to us, and to reclaiming some of our fourteen40 minutes each day! 

Optimistically yours, 

Melissa